


up in smoke

by thunderylee



Category: KAT-TUN (Band), NewS (Band)
Genre: Addiction, Canon Universe, Friendship, Gen, Mentions of alcoholism, mentions of domestic abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-08-25
Updated: 2008-08-25
Packaged: 2019-02-05 03:21:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,279
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12785838
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thunderylee/pseuds/thunderylee
Summary: Koyama quits smoking.





	up in smoke

**Author's Note:**

> reposted from agck.

They were mocking him, dangling over the edge of the railing. _You don’t want to throw me away_ , they were saying inside his head. _You love me, don’t you?_

Closing his eyes, Koyama prayed for strength as he opened his hand and let the pack of cigarettes fall from his fingers. He didn’t hear it land in the water and float under the bridge over the nervous beating of his heart.

::

“That’s littering, you know,” Nakamaru said casually when Koyama told him.

Koyama looked up, passing over his own self pity to eye his cohost warily. “What?”

“Littering,” Nakamaru repeated. “And what if a fish tried to eat them? It would kill it.”

Gasping, Koyama clutched his heart. “I don’t want to be a fish murderer! Nakamaru-kun, what can I do?”

“What’s done is done.” Nakamaru sighed, sorting through the junior skits for the upcoming shows and making a face. “Just remember that your selfishness could potentially harm another living being.”

Koyama frowned and looked away. “I don’t know why I picked you to tell first.”

“Because half of your group smokes and the other half will get excited about it and make you feel awful,” Nakamaru answered promptly, offering a knowing look. “You needed to tell someone who doesn’t care.”

“… Thanks,” Koyama said slowly.

His eyes darted up when a business card was flipped in his face. _Nakamaru Yuichi, bitchpost. Ten years experience_.

Koyama raised his eyebrows.

“Kame’s quit smoking three times,” Nakamaru offered, counting on his fingers. “Koki’s at five, Jin’s addicted to sex, and Ueda just likes to complain.”

Koyama took the card and pocketed it, feeling even more depressed than he had earlier. “You’re not giving me much hope.”

“You have to _want_ to do it,” Nakamaru told him, patting him on the shoulder. Koyama flinched, but Nakamaru didn’t move his hand. “It’s going to be hard, and it’s something that only you can do for yourself. Nobody can help you. If you tell me you want a cigarette, I’ll get you one.”

“How does that help?” Koyama exclaimed, his hands and knees starting to shake with the force of his sudden anxiety.

“Trading one addiction for another defeats the purpose.” Nakamaru pulled out his phone and pushed some buttons. “I’ve given you a special ringtone so I know it’s you when you call. Don’t worry about taking advantage of me – that’s what I’m here for.”

Koyama watched him walk away, feeling more alone than he had in years.

::

The third time Koyama tripped over _nothing_ , Yamapi demanded to know what was going on. It was the first full day of Koyama’s new nicotine-free life, and he could hardly move without falling over.

It didn’t help that Shige and Ryo were on either side of him, the scent of their morning cigarettes wafting past his senses every so often and distracting him.

“Oh no!” Tegoshi squealed, covering his eyes. “Kei-chan has spinocerebellar degeneration disease!”

Ryo frowned and folded his arms. “That’s not funny.”

“I’m _fine_ ,” Koyama said, his voice sounding a little more testy than normal. He tried to get up, but his knees buckled and he plopped right back onto the floor. “I’m going to sit here for awhile,” he added.

“Maybe we should take a break,” Yamapi suggested.

Shige started to head to the door, pack and lighter in hand, and he turned around when he realized that he was alone. “Koyama? Are you coming?”

“No,” Koyama mumbled. “I don’t smoke anymore.”

There was a collective gasp, and Shige looked like Koyama had just told him that they were no longer friends. “What? Why? Since when?”

Koyama covered his ears. “You are all too loud.”

He felt arms around his neck and smelled Tegoshi’s hair gel. “I’m happy Kei-chan is quitting.”

Yamapi grunted and curled up in the corner with Ryo for their breaktime nap. “Good luck, Kei.”

“Thanks,” Koyama said bitterly.

“Kei-chan is shaking,” Tegoshi said quietly, squeezing him tighter. “This must be hard, huh?”

“You have no idea.” Koyama gritted his teeth.

Shige looked lost as he turned and headed outside without another word.

After forty-five seconds, Koyama was bored. “What do nonsmokers do on breaks?” he wondered out loud.

“Well, Shige and I study,” Tegoshi answered, loosening his hold but not letting go completely. “Massu usually gets a snack and stretches, and as you can see Yamapi and Ryo-chan take a little catnap together.”

“Yamapi and Ryo both smoke,” Koyama thought out loud.

“For them, it’s more important to sleep,” Tegoshi whispered. “Yamapi’s more of a social smoker anyway, while Ryo-chan only smokes when he’s stressed. Which is a lot.” He frowned, like he did not approve of that arrangement one bit. “You and Shige are really the only full-time smokers, and now just Shige.”

A grumble sounded from behind them, and Koyama turned around to see Shige looking very unhappy as he plopped down on his butt and pulled out his laptop.

“Shige, don’t be angry,” Tegoshi said. “Kei-chan is doing this to be a better person.”

“Because I’m a shitty person, right?” Shige snapped. “It’s his fault I started smoking.”

“It was Kusano’s fault,” Koyama spat, ignoring the surprised look in Shige’s eyes. “If you want to blame somebody, blame him.”

“It’s your own fault,” Tegoshi jumped in. “Nobody can make decisions for you but you.”

Nakamaru’s words flooded back into Koyama’s mind, and he was out the door and on his phone in an instant. Tegoshi flailed after him but breathed a sigh of relief upon seeing that Koyama was just in the hallway and not outside.

“Already?” Nakamaru answered, sounding a little amused. “It’s not even ten a.m. yet.”

“Shige’s pissed at me,” Koyama said, his words slurring together as his body trembles again. “He thinks I’m abandoning him.”

“He’s being stupid,” Nakamaru said promptly. “He’s probably upset that he has to smoke alone now. Maybe he’ll quit with you.”

Koyama considered that. “Not while he’s in school, I don’t think. He’s very stressed and gives Ryo-chan a run for his money when he’s in a bad mood.”

“Well then that’s just too bad for him.” Nakamaru shifted the phone and yawned, and Koyama realized that he had probably woken him up. “If he’s really your friend he’ll get over himself and support your choice regardless of his own. How are you feeling?”

Koyama laughed. “Tegoshi thought I had that disease that the girl had in One Liter. My body didn’t want to move where I was telling it to.”

“Detoxing,” Nakamaru said. “Are you shaking a lot?”

“Constantly.”

“Maybe yours will be fast.” Nakamaru shuffled through some papers. “Kame detoxed for two weeks the first time he quit. It was so bad that he started up again just to make it stop. He was getting yelled at by everyone. Not fun.”

Koyama leaned against the wall, grateful for some stillness. “I don’t have any dramas or concerts or anything going on,” he thought out loud. “I guess this is a good time. How do you know all of this?”

“I told you, I’ve been through this a few times.” Nakamaru paused. “Kame’s going on six months, but he relapses really easily so I wouldn’t advise that you talk to him. Koki’s smoking again, I think. I’ve lost track with him.”

Koyama sighed.

“You have to think positively.” Nakamaru’s tone did not imply anything other than wanting to go back to sleep. “You’re Koyama, right? You’re always happy and bouncy and people want to smack you for being so perky all the time.”

“They do?” Koyama asked.

“Not the point,” said Nakamaru. “The point is to just concentrate on your good feelings and think of smoking as a bad one you’re not going to have again.”

“Okay,” Koyama replied unsurely. He saw Yamapi’s sleepy face poke out the door and nodded at his leader. “I have to go. Break is over.”

“You made it through the first break.” He could hear the smile in Nakamaru’s voice. “You might stand a chance.”

Koyama said good-bye and returned to their practice room, where he took his spot and breathed deeply, a little surprised at how different it was.

“You smell like a cheap whore,” Ryo said to Shige, pushing him away. “Did you _bathe_ in cologne?”

“Koyama is quitting,” said Shige, pushing back. “It won’t be good if he smells it on me.”

Koyama smiled gratefully, and after a second Shige smiled back.

“You’re not going to get the same courtesy from me,” Ryo told him, folding his arms. “I don’t care if you smoke or not because it’s not going to change my life any.”

Koyama nodded and faced the front, waiting for Yamapi’s instruction, his shakes subsiding as he concentrated on the moves and only missed one step this time.

::

Day two was not easy at all. The shakes were gone, but it felt like there was a monster inside Koyama’s chest that wanted to roar its head off at anybody who crossed his path. He almost got into a fight on the way to the train, told off this young kid for not giving up his seat for an elderly woman, and had a run-in with Akanishi Jin before he’d even reached the building.

When he found himself yelling at Tegoshi ten minutes into practice, it occurred to him that he probably should have stayed in bed.

“Kei-chan is just cranky because he’s not smoking, right?” Tegoshi said brightly, his tone sounding very condescending to Koyama’s inner monster. “You don’t really mean that, right?”

“No, I do,” Koyama assured him. “Not everything in this group revolves around you, you know. And for the record, you oversang at our last concert.”

Tegoshi gasped and Ryo stood in front of him. “Koyama, outside.”

“Don’t let him smoke!” Tegoshi cried. “He can say whatever he wants about me if it means he can quit.”

Koyama didn’t think Ryo had that much strength, but he practically dragged Koyama down the hall and out the door where several others stopped what they were doing to watch the scene they were creating.

“I like you, Kei,” Ryo started, lighting up right in front of him and making Koyama claw at the wall. “I don’t want to have to kick your ass.”

“Not fair,” Koyama mumbles, trying to hold his breath as Ryo exhales in his face.

“Guess what – _life isn’t fair_.” Ryo was speaking in a low voice, calm and steady, and somehow it was scarier than if he had been yelling and throwing things. “If you ever talk to Tegoshi like that again, you’ll wish you had just kept smoking.”

“He pisses me off!” Koyama screamed, shocking himself. “He has no idea what it’s like to do anything for himself, and all he gets is praise all the time so he doesn’t know that anything’s wrong.”

“I know, I hate it too,” Ryo said, and Koyama fell silent. “There are lucky people like that and then there are us. But it’s not his fault he’s that way, just like it’s not your fault you’re the way you are now.”

Koyama clenched his fists, feeling his nails dig into his palms. “I’m sorry -”

“Say it to him,” Ryo cut him off. “And get out of here, it’s not good for you to be around smokers until you can handle it.”

Koyama tripped again as he raced back inside, coughing hysterically and falling to his knees in front of the Arashi practice room.

“Koyama-kun!” Aiba flailed, kneeling by his side and patting his back. “Maybe you should stop smoking if you’re going to cough like this!”

“I _did_ ,” Koyama wheezed. “Ryo-chan took me outside to yell at me because I yelled at Tegoshi.”

“Mean old Ryo-chan,” Aiba said affectionately. “When you get angry, you just have to breathe deeply and count to ten. If you’re still angry after that, you can convey your feelings more calmly.”

Koyama nodded, panting to catch his breath. “I’m sorry for disturbing your practice.”

“It’s okay.” Aiba reached for his hands and helped him up, only to catch him when he got dizzy and slumped forward. “I’ll help you back to your room, then perhaps Yamapi should send you home. You don’t look too good.”

Nino banged open the door and gave Koyama a hard look. “What did Nishikido do to you?”

“He didn’t do anything!” Koyama exclaimed. “He just yelled at me. I-”

He decided to stop talking when Nino immediately banged open the door to the smoking area and disappeared.

“Come on,” Aiba said, hoisting Koyama onto his back and skipping down the hallway while the scattered juniors watched in worry. “Koyama-senpai is fine!” Aiba told them all. “He just got a little dizzy, but I’m sure his leader will take care of him.”

Yamapi heard the end of this as Koyama was deposited right in front of him, and he offered Aiba a salute in thanks before the elder skipped back down the hallway and whistled to himself.

“I’m sorry, Tegoshi,” Koyama said out loud, keeping his eyes closed to stop the world from spinning.

“It’s okay,” Tegoshi said quietly. “Kei-chan needs an outlet. I understand.”

“Kei-chan has an outlet,” Koyama muttered under his breath, inwardly kicking himself for not calling Nakamaru when he started to feel frustrated. That’s what he was there for.

“Stupid Arashi,” Ryo mumbled as he appeared in the doorway and fixed his ruffled hair.

“You didn’t fight, did you?” Tegoshi asked them both with wide eyes.

“No, we didn’t fight,” Ryo said sadly, like he’d rather answer in the affirmative.

“NewS doesn’t fight,” Tegoshi added clearly. “We’re here to help Kei-chan no matter how many nasty things he says.”

Every word from Tegoshi’s voice made Koyama want to yell again. Before they could stop him, he grabbed his phone and ran out of the room, heading to the other side of the building where there were no smokers. “Nakamaru?” he practically yelled into the phone.

“Where are you?” Nakamaru replied. “Are you outside?”

“Yeah, but I’m not-” and he was cut off as the dial tone signaled that he’d been hung up on.

“I’m not!” he yelled at the phone, like Nakamaru would hear him.

He resisted the urge to throw his phone at the wall, but only because his knees gave out on him again and he fell to the ground, squeezing his eyes shut and just letting the tears fall. He felt so out of control over his own mind and body that he may as well have been a prisoner of someone else, the monster that had in the course of only a few hours caused so much trouble to his friends.

To his credit, he didn’t even jump when he felt a hand on his back; he was so desperate for human contact that right then he didn’t care who it was.

“Do you want a cigarette?” Nakamaru’s voice asked, steady and quiet.

Koyama looked up, wiped his face with his sleeve, and saw Nakamaru’s soft eyes telling him that it was okay. If he really wanted one, Nakamaru would get him one, and Koyama could try again after he was done.

“No,” he said firmly. “I don’t.”

Nakamaru grinned and pulled Koyama up by the collar, wiping his eyes and dusting him off. “If this is as bad as it gets, it can only get better, right?”

Koyama grunted noncommittally. “I hate myself right now.”

Then he burst into tears, leaning over to press his face in Nakamaru’s shoulder and Nakamaru let him, petting Koyama on the head and just being there for Koyama to cry on.

When he breathed in, the air smelled different.

::

Days three and four were easy, mostly because they were his days off. He cautiously avoided Tegoshi, spent a lot of time helping his mom, and washed everything he owned because he was suddenly aware of the lingering smoke smell.

“Did you quit smoking?” Koya-mama asked when her son crammed his curtains and stuffed animals into the washing machine.

“Yeah,” Koyama replied nonchalantly.

Koya-mama nodded. “Good for you.” And then she lit up.

The lid on the washer slammed as Koyama let it go and raced upstairs to the sanctity of his room. He grabbed his phone and mailed Nakamaru. _I have to get out of here_.

Everyone in Japan smoked, and Koyama was very much reminded of that fact as he rode the train to meet Nakamaru at a park about midway between their houses. Even when he got off the train and breathed in the cool evening air, someone’s exhaust went up his nose and he was coughing by the time he reached the tree with Yamapi and Jin’s initials from 1999 in it.

“If you’re quitting to be healthier, it’s kind of pointless, don’t you think?”

Koyama looked up and saw that Nakamaru was not alone; Kamenashi regarded him with friendly eyes and a polite nod of his head.

Koyama nodded back and looked helplessly at Nakamaru.

“We were already hanging out,” Nakamaru explained. “I didn’t think you would mind.”

“You can ask me whatever you want,” Kame said, noticing Koyama’s apprehension and smiling in spite of it. “I’ve been through this a few times.”

What Koyama wanted was to strangle Kame, with as still and calm as he looked after two unsuccessful attempts at quitting. Koyama hated him for being able to do it.

“The most important thing is being able to tolerate other people doing it,” Kame went on, oblivious to Koyama’s murderous glare. “You can deny yourself all you want, but when the temptation is there, you need to be able to honestly not want it.”

“Enough lectures,” said Nakamaru, and Koyama almost hugged him. “Let’s just hang out.”

Hanging out with Nakamaru and Kame wasn’t as weird as Koyama had initially thought. KAT-TUN may not have the best reputation in the company, but they weren’t too bad if you got them alone or in pairs. There was a lot of shit-talking on Jin, and Koyama learned that being addicted to sex wasn’t Jin’s only downfall.

“If it wasn’t for Nakamaru, he’d probably be dead,” Kame told him seriously. “No matter how mean you think you are, you’re nothing compared to when Jin was getting off the bottle.”

“It’s probably why Yamapi hasn’t said anything to you yet,” Nakamaru added. “He got the brunt of it with Jin.”

“I don’t think this is my business,” Koyama said uncomfortably, leaning on a tree as his nerves started up again.

“But you feel better now, don’t you?” Nakamaru said, and as much as it shamed Koyama to admit it, he was right.

::

Day five was chaos. Koyama was a basketcase all day, the littlest thing setting him off. He was, Yamapi quoted, “worse than my sister on the rag.”

“I can’t keep coming down here,” Nakamaru said, a little exasperatedly. It was the fifth time he’d raced to the NewS practice room after Koyama’s distress call. This time, it was Yamapi who had called Nakamaru because Koyama was in hysterics and had to be held down by Massu.

“What I don’t understand is how he has so much energy,” Tegoshi commented, and Koyama freaked out even more over Tegoshi’s eyes psychoanalyzing him. “If nicotine is an ‘upper’ drug, he should be lethargic without it.”

“Nicotine is a downer,” Ryo told him. “People smoke because they’re worked up, stressed, anxious. Not because they want to get high.”

“I wouldn’t know,” Tegoshi said softly.

“All of Koyama’s energy is spazzing because it isn’t being controlled the way it’s been for years now,” Nakamaru explained. “Before, the nicotine subsided it. Now, he doesn’t know what to do with it so it forces its way out any way it can.”

Koyama fell still, his nerves still sporadically jerking as Nakamaru’s words proved true.

“Maybe he should just go get laid,” Shige said jokingly. “That would wear him out.”

“Then he’d end up like Jin,” Yamapi and Nakamaru said at the same time, then exchanged a look.

“Come on,” Massu called out, getting to his feet and tugging on Koyama’s arms until he followed. “Let’s go for a run! I’ll race you around the building.”

Koyama stared after him, feeling like he could fall asleep on his feet, and the last thing he saw was Yamapi’s cautious eyes before everything went black.

::

There was a weight on his stomach, whiskers on his nose, and a tiny little “meow!” that roused him. Nyanta didn’t accept something as ludicrous as _passing out_ to excuse his human from paying him attention.

“How long have you not been sleeping?” Yamapi’s voice sounded from his bedside.

“A couple nights,” Koyama mumbled, hugging his kitty and speaking into his fur.

“Have you considered nicotine gum?” Yamapi asked carefully. “A patch?”

“That would still be putting it into my system, wouldn’t it?” Koyama snapped, Nyanta screeching off of him as he sat up and glared hard at his leader. “Can you not try to make it better this time? This isn’t something that will go away overnight. I need to fight it on my own without being patronized by my friends every five minutes.”

Yamapi blinked. “Nakamaru said he told you what I’ve dealt with in the past. Do you really think what you’re doing now is going to stop me?”

“I’m okay,” Koyama insisted. “It’s like what Nakamaru said. My energy is trying to find a way to get out. Maybe I’ll start running with Massu.”

“We don’t have anything going on until next week,” Yamapi said casually. “You’re suspended until then.”

“What?!” Koyama shrieked, falling out of bed and halfway on Yamapi’s lap. “You don’t have the authority to suspend me!”

“You’re tearing apart my group!” Yamapi yelled. Yamapi never yelled. “KAT-TUN’s not doing anything either, so Nakamaru can spend more time with you. Clearly you can’t come to work every day and function without picking a fight with Tegoshi or Ryo. The other groups have caught wind of this and I don’t think you want Johnny to.”

Koyama’s lip trembled. “I’m sorry, Yama-”

“It doesn’t matter if you’re sorry or not,” Yamapi continued, his face and voice stern but his eyes defying them. “It’s great that you’re quitting, really, but you’re taking everyone else down with you and that’s not what member love is about.”

Koyama stilled, his head lingering over Yamapi’s shoulder as he started to cry again, knowingly this time. Almost immediately Yamapi’s arms were around him, hugging him, picking him up and returning him to his bed. Koyama tried to keep a hold on him, but Yamapi wrestled himself free and gave Nyanta a pat on the head before he took his leave. “I’ll leave him to you,” he said softly, lifting his palm to Nyanta’s outstretched paw in a kitty high-five.

Koya-mama appeared in the door right after. “Keiichiro, do you need to go to a doctor? I didn’t know quitting smoking was such a medical problem. You’ve always been so healthy.”

“I’m fine, Mom,” Koyama said tiredly. “My nerves have found a new way to calm themselves.”

She seemed to take that as a legit answer and left her son to his devices.

Which was crying his eyes out until he had no energy left.

::

The sun wasn’t even up on day six before someone dive-bombed on his bed and nearly scared the piss out of him. “You don’t just wake people up like that!”

“Good morning!” Massu said cheerfully, bright-eyed and bushy-tailed at five a.m.

Nakamaru was not as awake, slumping by the door and spinning a key on his finger. “You do not want to know the lengths I had to go to get this.”

Koyama rolled over on his stomach like that was going to make them leave. “Nyanta, sic ’em.”

The cat rubbed against Nakamaru’s legs and yawned. “I hear you,” Nakamaru agreed.

“Come on, let’s go!” Massu exclaimed, tickle-attacking Koyama until he fell out of bed and choked on his laughter. “Leader said you wanted to go running with me!”

“You, singular,” Nakamaru emphasized. “Which does not explain why I am here.”

“Okay, okay!” Koyama squealed. “I give in! I’ll go!”

Massu stood up and dusted off his hands, waiting patiently while Koyama sleepily found a pair of sweatpants and a wifebeater. He didn’t even notice the state of his hair until Massu started making fun of it on their way down the stairs, so he swiped a scrunchie from his sister’s old room and put up his bangs, appearance be damned.

“Hot,” Nakamaru commented, earning a halfhearted smack from a half-awake Koyama.

He woke up on the third lap around his block, seeing the little stores get ready to open for business as the sun rose over the mountains in the horizon. He didn’t feel the twitching anymore, and while he could still taste his last cigarette in the back of his throat, he no longer felt the monster roaring behind it. Maybe it hadn’t woken up yet.

He ran a lot more than he normally did and breathed easier while he did it, keeping up with Massu and lapping Nakamaru twice. Eventually Nakamaru just sat down on the curb with a latte and waited for them to wear themselves out, which finally happened an hour later when Massu had to get to work.

“Good luck, Koyama!” Massu called over his shoulder as he jogged away, probably intending to run the whole way to the JE building.

“If I stop moving, I will pass out,” Koyama told Nakamaru, jogging in place until Nakamaru got up and led him back to his house.

“After all of the trouble I’ve gone through for you,” said Nakamaru, “the least you can do is give me some free ramen.”

::

Shige came over every night of Koyama’s suspension. “Without Koyama there, practice is really boring,” he told him, settling in for their latest drama marathon.

Koyama’s eyes went wide at the familiar scent and nudged closer to Shige, inhaling the faint tinge of smoke that was still attached to Shige’s shirt.

Shige was not as disturbed as he should have been. “ _Kei_ , stop smell-molesting me,” Shige whined, pushing one of the couch pillows in his face instead. “I didn’t even smoke on the way over here, it had to be from someone else on the train.”

His heart racing, Koyama breathed in the neutral air of the pillow and tried to calm down. “I’m sorry, Shige, I think I’m going to freak out again.”

“Not on my watch,” Shige said, a hint of amusement in his voice as he wrestled Koyama back on the couch and sat right on top of him.

“Ow, you’re heavy!” Koyama exclaimed.

“I’m not that heavy, shut up,” Shige said with a smile.

Koyama decided he didn’t mind using Shige’s shoulder as a chin-rest as they settled in for eleven hours of Super Doctor Yamapi, even if Shige smelled more and more like smoke with each night he came over.

“This is on purpose, isn’t it?” Koyama asked on the last night.

“I feel so used,” Shige commented. “It was Yamapi’s idea.”

“It’s a good idea,” Koyama admitted. “I don’t want to molest you anymore.”

“Thanks for that,” Shige said with a laugh. “What to hear something ironic?”

Koyama let his head fall on Shige’s shoulder, Shige no longer needing to sit on Koyama to keep him at bay. “Sure.”

Shige leant back so that Koyama could get comfortable laying on him. “I haven’t really smoked since you quit.”

“Really?” Koyama asked.

“Yeah,” said Shige, smiling as Koyama curls up in his lap. “I guess I haven’t felt the need to.”

::

The day Koyama returned to work was the same day he and Nakamaru were scheduled to tape the Shounen Club. Yamapi was going to be the guest and Koyama couldn’t think of a better way to ease back into his normal life.

Said guest welcomed Koyama back to work by practicing his dance routine all around him, popping and rolling his hips while singing a very sultry version of his solo entitled Gomen ne, Koyama.

“Aw, he missed you,” Ryo said with a big, fake smile. “Down, Pi.”

Yamapi stopped dancing and frowned. “Be sure to ask me about Code Blue tonight.”

“That’s why you’re on the show,” Koyama replied. “What else are you going to talk about?”

“I could talk about a lot of things,” Yamapi said, a little indignantly.

“‘Morning,” Shige mumbled, practically falling through the door and managing to stabilize his coffee on the table before leaning on Ryo and going right back to sleep.

“What the…” Ryo started, then presumably didn’t have the heart to disturb his bandmate who was clearly worn out.

“Someone had a busy night,” Tegoshi teased, bouncing happily past the crowd and flicking Shige’s ear just because he could. “Welcome back, Kei-chan. Are you all better?”

“I think so,” Koyama said honestly, wondering when this became less of a battle of willpower and more of a disease. “My appetite is better, at least.”

“He ate more breakfast than me,” Massu announced, rubbing his belly for effect. “As long we keep running together, it should be okay.”

Ryo snorted. “Fat Koyama.”

“I don’t think I can _get_ fat,” Koyama thought out loud, lifting his shirt and pinching his belly for effect. He got mostly skin and Tegoshi made a disgusted face.

“Kei…” Shige muttered, slowly opening his eyes and seeming unable to move his head from Ryo’s shoulder. “I don’t know how you had so much energy. I can barely move and it’s only been since last night.”

Yamapi slapped his hand to his forehead. “Oh no, not you too.”

“If Koyama can quit, so can I,” Shige said firmly, punctuating his words with a cat-like yawn.

“Looks like we have another breaktime nap buddy,” Ryo said indifferently.

Tegoshi folded his arms. “Yamapi and Ryo-chan should quit too, and then we can all be smoke-free!”

Yamapi and Ryo shared a look and burst into laughter. “The world is not safe from Ryo-chan without nicotine,” said Yamapi.

“Besides, it’s not like I’m _addicted_ ,” Ryo added.

Koyama smiled at the exchange, glad that he could finally say he’s no longer addicted to anything but the love of his bandmates. ****

> **Bonus**

“How would you compare Aizawa to yourself?” asked Koyama.

Nakamaru leaned in, anxious to hear the response.

“Aizawa is not like me at all,” Yamapi answered with a laugh. “He’s cold and doesn’t care about anyone but himself. I care a lot about other people and I’m very warm!”

Koyama laughed. “I can vouch for that.”

“I will say one thing, though,” Yamapi went on, and Koyama and Nakamaru exchanged a quick look because this didn’t happen in rehearsal. “Playing Aizawa has taught me that not everyone can get through the hard times on their own, even cold-hearted selfish people like him. In fact, I have a friend who recently fought an addiction.”

Koyama resisted the urge to cover his face with his hands.

“Oh?” Nakamaru replied, hiding a smile. “How did that go?”

Traitor, Koyama thought. They had totally planned this.

“Well, at first it wasn’t looking too good,” Yamapi explained, and Koyama could feel his face growing red. “But with the help of his _friends_ , he managed to overcome it and earn his freedom.”

“Freedom,” Koyama repeated, finally putting a name on the exhilaration he’d been feeling. “That’s a good way to put it.”

“Well, I do have a way with words,” said Yamapi, laughing when Nakamaru rolled his eyes.

“Freedom tastes good,” Koyama blurted out, ignoring the odd looks from Yamapi and Nakamaru as he breathed in deeply and introduced Yamapi’s solo.


End file.
